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Once upon a time, in a land made mostly of bayou and despoiled by ignorant rednecks, there lived a great woman and a great man with their three happy sons. The great woman was not happy, however; she soon found herself longing for a daughter to call her own. So the great man, who adored her above all others, granted her desire. A precious little girl was born. Though tiny and sickly, she was the apple of the happy couple's eyes. They did not realize their folly until one bright and sunny day thirteen years later, their darling daughter turned to them and stated, quite solemnly, "I want to leave this world as I came into it." Shocked at this statement, and concerned that their daughter was already pondering such things as death, they asked, "How is that?" To which she replied, "Screaming and covered in somebody else's blood." The great man and the great woman were mortified, and prayed to their god to make things right again. So vehement were their prayers that their god sent a spokesperson to speak with them. When they voiced their concerns to the spokesperson, he simply replied, "No receipt, no returns." Then he left, off to do bigger and better things. And that is the story of my life. Enjoy.